Having a healthy and fulfilling sex life is without a doubt one of the things that makes life feel complete. For many people, so long as they’re having regular, quality sex, not many other things matter.
But… Sometimes real life gets in the way and there are many things that impact our capacity or even ability to have sex as much as we’d like.
Taking back control of our sex lives is something that many people want to do, but many have no idea where to start.
So, in this guide, we’re going to look at several simple and practical steps you can take to improve your sex life, feel more sexually fulfilled and maybe even find yourself! (Yes, really).
Why does a healthy sex life matter?
There’s more to sex than just a bit of fun between the sheets. Having a healthy sex life is important for many reasons, beyond just feeling good about ourselves.
In fact, numerous studies have found that the benefits of sex for our general health include:
Lowered stress and blood pressure
Improved immune system
Can aid quality sleep
Key to building closeness in relationships
Improved mental health including boosting self esteem and lowering depression and anxiety
Improved heart health
Vigorous sex is also a good cardiovascular workout, giving it numerous benefits for us physically including heart health.
A healthy sex life between partners has also been shown to be a key part of reducing divorce rates and strengthening bonds.
There are also additional health benefits of sex for women. By enjoying regular sex, women can improve their sexual function and by extension, lower stress and improve self confidence.
To put it simply: sex is good for you both mentally and physically. So now you’ve got a good excuse to read the rest of this article.
So how can you improve your sex life?
Step one: Know thyself
When it comes to sex, we might assume that we know what we like. But this isn’t always the case. This is especially true as we get older, our bodies and tastes change and we realise that actually, we want more from our sexual experiences.
Let’s be honest here. A good sex life does mean different things to different people. So in order to have a truly fulfilling sex life, you’ll need to understand and embrace what makes you tick.
This is the foundation upon which all the excitement and pleasure will be built.
For some people, a healthy sex life means:
Improving the sexual connection with their partner
Having frequent or regular sex
Enjoying the sexual experience instead of finding it a chore
Enjoying sexual activity with different people
Indulging fantasies such as role play, submissive or dominant play, or any other kinks
Of course this isn’t an exhaustive list and, in addition, many people might find a mixture of the above. Sexual desire comes in all manner of flavours, so understanding how to improve your sex life might not be quite as simple as just having sex more.
Finding out what you want from your sex life
The first step to find out what you want to get from sex is to ask yourself what great sex looks like to you.
Ignore those silly Hollywood movies or anything you’ve seen in pornography, as these are all fantasy images. But that’s not to say you can’t have wildly passionate and indulgent sex – if that’s what you’re after.
For many people, the thing they want the most is the intimacy and closeness that comes with sex. This often means taking the time to enjoy each other’s bodies, sensual play and just making time for sex.
Some people might prefer the rough and ready sexual experience. Hair pulling, slapping and lots of rough play is a typical sexual fantasy for both men and women. Of course, you both need to be on the same sexual page when it comes to making this work.
And for many people, simply having sex more often than very rarely is all they ask for.
Take the time to think it over, go deep into your own fantasies and work out what you want to experience.
Step Two: Communication
For those in a relationship, being open and honest about what you want from sex is key. While we often get into routines and the fiery passions from our early days might die down somewhat, this doesn’t mean that our sex lives must die.
Yes, jobs, families, social commitments, Netflix, social media and daily stress eats into our quality relationship time. But if you speak to your other half in an open and honest manner, chances are they will agree that, yes, we could and should be having more sex.
Equally, if you feel like you have a decent amount of sex but that it’s lacking that spark that you need to feel: talk.
Without communicating what you want or need in the bedroom, you’re not going to get it. Dropping hints rarely works, so grab the bull by those horny horns and say what needs to be said.
Communication for singles
Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t expect to have an enjoyable sex life. In fact, the world of digital dating and even real-world dating events means it’s easier than ever to find a good sexual match.
And again, communication with your partner needs to be clear. If you prefer it slow and steady and with lots of foreplay, tell them.
Want to enjoy role play, indulge fetishes or even try risky stuff like outdoors sex? Drop it into conversation (maybe after you’ve done the deed once though, eh). Chances are they’ll be up for it too!
Step three: Foreplay and sensual play
One of the things that often gets neglected when it comes to good sex is foreplay. But don’t underestimate how important foreplay is for both your enjoyment and getting all the benefits of sex.
While the act of sex itself releases a lot of tension and releases a lot of feel good chemicals (endorphins) in the brain, such as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin, it’s in the foreplay where a lot of the groundwork is laid. (Excuse the pun).
Foreplay prepares us both mentally and physically for sex which is a key part of our focus and enjoyment of the sex act.
For women, it allows the process of arousal and natural lubrication, which makes for a more enjoyable experience when it comes to penetration. And for men, it also means they’re more stimulated and likely to perform better.
Foreplay also allows us to focus our minds on the enjoyment of sex, meaning less wandering thoughts or distractions. For both men and women, this can radically change the whole sexual experience and help us to relax and enjoy our partner more than simply going in for a ‘quickie’.
How to enjoy foreplay, sensual play and fantasies
Getting ready for sex means can incorporate many different things. The simplest and most effective form of foreplay is to simply enjoy kissing and sensual touch such as a massage or even cuddling.
But of course, there is a lot more to foreplay than just kissing and cuddling.
The perfect way to set the tone and get ready for some sexy fun, is giving each other a nice massage. You don’t need to be an expert masseuse to get started with this either. Simply give your partner a nice back rub, ideally with a good quality intimate oil.
ShelleySupply intimacy oil with CBD is perfect for sensual massage, and even adds an extra tingle to the proceedings to get you in the mood.
Role play and dressing up
Another fun way to put some back into your relationships, or even to add a spark with someone new, is to try dressing up. While ‘role play’ can sometimes fill people with thoughts of awkward porn scenes, you don’t have to get completely into character.
For her: A pair of hold-up stockings or heels, some nice matching lingerie or some dressing-up costumes should get his attention.
For him: Wearing a nice ironed shirt, with some new underwear underneath, paired with a spritz of cologne, could get her excited.
Of course there is a whole world of dressing up, with everything from lacy underwear to full shiny latex outfits. Discuss what you both like and are comfortable with, and go from there.
The world of sex toys opens up a lot of fun in the bedroom. While many people simply think of dildoes or vibrators, the actual choice these days can be staggering.
A browse of any online sex store could leave you confused. But popular toys at the moment include vibrating massage wands, anal plugs, vibrating rings (cock rings). There are even sex toys for him these days…
Again, this is an area where couples need to discuss what they’d like to try together. While some people might find sex toys intimidating, or even make them feel inadequate, there are a lot of benefits to getting sex toys involved in your foreplay.
Using lube is key to a really enjoyable sexual experience. While natural lubrication is great, adding some extra lube into the mix can really make everything better for both parties. This goes for double where anal sex is involved…
While standard water based lubes are perfect for any foreplay or sex uses, there is a growing array of sex lube options from flavoured to tingling.
One really fun addition to the bedroom is CBD lube. These are usually plant based oils which are infused with cannabidiol, or CBD, the non-psychoactive element in the cannabis plant.
Using CBD lube doesn’t just enhance women’s natural lubrication. It can also help to improve the sensation, reduce the effects of painful sex associated with vaginal dryness and enhance the orgasm for both of you.
For men, CBD lube might be a useful aid for erectile dysfunction, could also be a performance enhancer and also just feels great…
When it comes to anal sex, the benefits of CBD are even more defined. While reducing pain, the natural oils improve the lubrication better than water based oils, and also improve the sensation. So if you’ve always wanted to try anal sex, using a CBD lube could be the perfect way to try it out.
ShelleySupply CBD intimacy oil is a smooth CBD lube with a lovely sensual scent, perfect for intimate use.
A word of warning though: Do not use oil based lubes with sex toys or latex condoms as it can degrade and damage the material.
Masturbation and oral sex
If you think of foreplay, you probably think of oral sex or mutual masturbation. These are both great ways to improve your sexual experience and enhance each other’s pleasure.
For women especially, oral sex and pre-penetrative masturbation can make a huge difference. It’s estimated that between 50 – 75% of women never climax from penetrative sex alone, making masturbation and oral sex an important part of the sexual experience for many women.
Step four: Making time for sex (and each other)
A common complaint for many people is that they just don’t have time for sex. But they do often have time to binge watch Netflix, scroll Instagram for 3 hours each evening or play Xbox.
While we all need time to unwind, many of the modern methods of unwinding are actually not so good for you. On multiple levels.
If we can schedule in just one day a week to make time for our partners, this is a good start on improving your sex life. And that’s all it takes to improve your sex life and simply have more sex…
But if scheduling sex still feels too regimented, mix it up by surprising your partner with a date night or a trip away. Make a point of making time for each other, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean sex.
In fact, a vibrant and satisfying sex life extends beyond the confines of the bedroom. To truly enhance your intimacy, it’s important to nurture your relationship as a whole. And this does mean making time for each other.
Step five: Looking after yourself
Although sex is good for you, both physically and mentally, to perform at your best you do need to look after yourself. While you don’t need to become a full time gym bore, it does help if you can ensure you have a good diet and you follow some general fitness and lifestyle processes.
Looking after your body means you will improve sexual performance, boost your libido and even improve your body image and appearance.
Some simple steps to looking after yourself include:
Taking regular exercise to improve your overall stamina and fitness
Watching what you eat and avoiding high sugars and fats, which can impact your energy levels
Making sure you get adequate sleep, which can also improve your physical stamina and make you more ready for sex
Quitting smoking. Which is bad for you on so many levels, including blood circulation, breathing and your odour of course
Cutting back or quitting alcohol, which also impacts your physical and mental performance
You should also consider things like kegel exercises which can help control your orgasm.
Staying fit for sex also means you can have more fun getting into different sexual positions without hurting yourself or getting tired out. Not to mention the fact that it can improve physical affection from your other half.
There are various ways CBD could help your sexual performance by promoting quality sleep and helping to reduce pain. For example, CBD patches can help improve sleep quality, in the case of insomnia, which can greatly improve your libido and sex drive.
CBD lube may also offer much needed relief for women experiencing the effects of menopause, including vaginal dryness. CBD could also be used to treat hot flushes, cramps and muscle pain.
If you’re experiencing sexual health concerns like low libido, pain during intercourse, or hormonal imbalances, it’s important to seek professional help. Consult with a healthcare professional or a sex therapist who can guide you towards appropriate solutions and treatments.
Enjoying a better sex life means taking time to communicate with your partner about what you want from sex. You should also take the time to understand what you want from sex.
Have fun with sex toys, role play and make sure to use plenty of lube!
And of course, take care of yourself and your health. Eat well, stay fit and get plenty of sleep and you will soon see an increase in your sex drive.
And don’t forget to get yourself a bottle of ShelleySupply CBD intimacy oil to really have some fun!