How to Improve Your Sex Life

Having a healthy and fulfilling sex life is without a doubt one of the things that makes life feel complete. For many people, so long as they’re having regular, quality sex, not many other things matter. 

But… Sometimes real life gets in the way and there are many things that impact our capacity or even ability to have sex as much as we’d like.

Taking back control of our sex lives is something that many people want to do, but many have no idea where to start.

So, in this guide, we’re going to look at several simple and practical steps you can take to improve your sex life, feel more sexually fulfilled and maybe even find yourself! (Yes, really).

Why does a healthy sex life matter?

There’s more to sex than just a bit of fun between the sheets. Having a healthy sex life is important for many reasons, beyond just feeling good about ourselves.

In fact, numerous studies have found that the benefits of sex for our general health include:

• Lowered stress and blood pressure

• Improved immune system

• Can aid quality sleep

• Key to building closeness in relationships

• Improved mental health including boosting self esteem and lowering depression and anxiety

• Improved heart health

Vigorous sex is also a good cardiovascular workout, giving it numerous benefits for us physically including heart health.

A healthy sex life between partners has also been shown to be a key part of reducing divorce rates and strengthening bonds. 

There are also additional health benefits of sex for women. By enjoying regular sex, women can improve their sexual function and by extension, lower stress and improve self confidence.

To put it simply: sex is good for you both mentally and physically. So now you’ve got a good excuse to read the rest of this article.

So how can you improve your sex life?

Step one: Know thyself

When it comes to sex, we might assume that we know what we like. But this isn’t always the case. This is especially true as we get older, our bodies and tastes change and we realise that actually, we want more from our sexual experiences.

Let’s be honest here. A good sex life does mean different things to different people. So in order to have a truly fulfilling sex life, you’ll need to understand and embrace what makes you tick.

This is the foundation upon which all the excitement and pleasure will be built.

For some people, a healthy sex life means:

• Improving the sexual connection with their partner

• Having frequent or regular sex

• Enjoying the sexual experience instead of finding it a chore

• Enjoying sexual activity with different people

• Indulging fantasies such as role play, submissive or dominant play, or any other kinks

Of course this isn’t an exhaustive list and, in addition, many people might find a mixture of the above. Sexual desire comes in all manner of flavours, so understanding how to improve your sex life might not be quite as simple as just having sex more. 

Finding out what you want from your sex life

The first step to find out what you want to get from sex is to ask yourself what great sex looks like to you. 

Ignore those silly Hollywood movies or anything you’ve seen in pornography, as these are all fantasy images. But that’s not to say you can’t have wildly passionate and indulgent sex – if that’s what you’re after.

For many people, the thing they want the most is the intimacy and closeness that comes with sex. This often means taking the time to enjoy each other’s bodies, sensual play and just making time for sex.

Some people might prefer the rough and ready sexual experience. Hair pulling, slapping and lots of rough play is a typical sexual fantasy for both men and women. Of course, you both need to be on the same sexual page when it comes to making this work.

And for many people, simply having sex more often than very rarely is all they ask for. 

Take the time to think it over, go deep into your own fantasies and work out what you want to experience.

Step Two: Communication

For those in a relationship, being open and honest about what you want from sex is key. While we often get into routines and the fiery passions from our early days might die down somewhat, this doesn’t mean that our sex lives must die.

Yes, jobs, families, social commitments, Netflix, social media and daily stress eats into our quality relationship time. But if you speak to your other half in an open and honest manner, chances are they will agree that, yes, we could and should be having more sex.

Equally, if you feel like you have a decent amount of sex but that it’s lacking that spark that you need to feel: talk. 

Without communicating what you want or need in the bedroom, you’re not going to get it. Dropping hints rarely works, so grab the bull by those horny horns and say what needs to be said.

Communication for singles

Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t expect to have an enjoyable sex life. In fact, the world of digital dating and even real-world dating events means it’s easier than ever to find a good sexual match.

And again, communication with your partner needs to be clear. If you prefer it slow and steady and with lots of foreplay, tell them.

Want to enjoy role play, indulge fetishes or even try risky stuff like outdoors sex? Drop it into conversation (maybe after you’ve done the deed once though, eh). Chances are they’ll be up for it too!

Step three: Foreplay and sensual play

One of the things that often gets neglected when it comes to good sex is foreplay. But don’t underestimate how important foreplay is for both your enjoyment and getting all the benefits of sex.

While the act of sex itself releases a lot of tension and releases a lot of feel good chemicals (endorphins) in the brain, such as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin, it’s in the foreplay where a lot of the groundwork is laid. (Excuse the pun).

Foreplay prepares us both mentally and physically for sex which is a key part of our focus and enjoyment of the sex act. 

For women, it allows the process of arousal and natural lubrication, which makes for a more enjoyable experience when it comes to penetration. And for men, it also means they’re more stimulated and likely to perform better.

Foreplay also allows us to focus our minds on the enjoyment of sex, meaning less wandering thoughts or distractions. For both men and women, this can radically change the whole sexual experience and help us to relax and enjoy our partner more than simply going in for a ‘quickie’.